Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Passover Short-takes

Note:

I wrote this a week ago (Tuesday, April 15, the first day of Passover) but didn't get around to publishing it because apparently Passover's become a busy holiday of party hopping for eight nights.

Vegetarian Passover Offering

It sounds like a joke, but I discovered yesterday that instead of putting a bone on the Seder plate (representing the sacrificial lamb), some vegetarians use a beet because it is as red as blood.  Other’s use a sweet potato instead as a substitute sacrificial yam.

Exodus from Work

My drive home from work yesterday reminded me of the Israelites exodus from Egypt.  I was trying to get home as quickly as possible, but traffic kept opening up then slowing down again.  It was like Pharaoh saying “You can leave, no you can’t, yes you can, no you can’t.”  Finally traffic parted in front of my like before Moses at the Red Sea and I hightailed it through there as fast as my 4-cylinder Altima could take me as if Pharaoh and his army were coming up behind me.  I made it through and traffic crashed (figuratively) closed behind me, sealing my enemy traffic behind me and leaving me to wander across I-80 to my home, my Sinai, to pick up my wife.

Diyanu

If we had only one seder yesterday but not a second one: diyanu.
If we had two seders yesterday but the second one ended before midnight: diyanu.
If the second seder had ended before midnight but we didn’t have to work today: diyanu.
If we had to work today but weren’t hosting another seder tonight: diyanu.
If we were hosting a seder tonight but didn’t have to work tomorrow: diyanu.
If we had to work tomorrow but didn’t have plans every night the rest of the week: diyanu.
If we had plans the rest of the week but my birthday wasn’t in the middle of it all: diyanu.
If my birthday was in the middle of it all but I got to have cake: diyanu.
If I got to have cake: diyanu diyanu diyanu.

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